“Do you think dreams can just be had? Only those who have the luxury to search for them can dream. Those who get the chance to rise again after failure can pursue their dream.” — Love Next Door (2024)
Growing up in an Asian household with average financial status, I constantly find myself in a position where I cannot risk to fail. Being an only daughter, my family raised me to be a young girl with a good academic background, gradually as I became an adult, it made me fear failing to a certain extent that I do not know I am capable of feeling so. I was nurtured from birth to learn ABC as soon as my throat was able to pronounce ‘ma-ma’ or ‘ba-ba’ — I could not waste my time — no — I could not afford any more time to leisurely slack and follow my own pace. My pace was dictated by my family, my peers, my teachers the moment I stepped foot into the kindergarten. As time passed by, society made an unspoken rule that as a woman, you should be educated more than men — this is the least you can do to contribute to the world. A man without strength is no better than an elephant, a woman without brain is no better than a brainless monkey.
The truth is, I have no dream. My dream has always revolved around getting good grades and once that dream is achieved, I become a lost lamb in the middle of nowhere. My future path looks unbelievably blurry that I am convinced my death is near, my time is expiring as minute passes by. In order to make a name for myself, I sell my soul to the devils of education and return as a trophy for my mother and father to boast proudly and openly in front of others. People say I am too sensitive, too detailed, extremely obsessed with getting my assignments done early, over-checking the works 100 times before any submission as if the world will end if a mark or two are lost. As a matter of fact, it is the end of the world for me. My value is defined not for who I am, but for what I am — and what I am is an academic achiever in which the term ‘failure’ is nothing more than a myth.
I cannot afford to lose, I do not have the privilege to fail and stand up again to chase my dream. My dream is built on a limestone ground, gradually if my poor performances keep on increasing — like a heavy rainfall causing corrosion on the ground, the base will not hold for long and eventually I am bound to be buried 10 feet down with no ladder to carry me back up. I will no longer have the sun penetrating my skin, only the void of emptiness will become my company. I do not come from a wealthy family, I am the wealth in my family. Losing my value will decrease my family’s pride and I will have to bear the shame of being a disappointment for as long as I live and breathe.
“You are an idealist who loves dreams more than reality. But you know where all of that comes from? Privilege.” — Love Next Door (2024)
I only have one dream and that is to succeed academically. Do not shame me for being selfish by putting myself first when it is needed. People who are born with the privilege to have a family with no financial constraints will never understand this fear. You cannot possibly understand this because you are very well privileged to the point you do not realise it. Hundreds would kill to be in your position, to be able to focus on their education without worrying if there is enough money to feed themselves for a month or to buy necessary study materials. To be able to say “if it does not work out, we can try something else” as money flows like a river when it comes to you — something that I might never be able to experience in this lifetime.
So, do not sit there and say that achieving a dream is easy if you work hard enough because simply working hard does not determine your success, privilege does. At the end of the day, the world will bow to those who are silver spoons and mock those who are daughters and sons of the miners.
Ad astra per aspera, Sofea.
⋆. 𐙚 ˚ I’m an independent writer who seeks peace and tranquility through the art of writing. I always find expressing my emotions through writings are much easier than talking about them, hence why I keep on writing. I don’t come from a wealthy background nor receive any support to fund my hobby. So if you ever feel like doing good and be kind today, my gratitude belongs to you. Merci ˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗
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